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Writer's Block

Posted on Tuesday 5th December 2006 at 00:00
Why is it that I spend half my life thinking of things to write about on days like today, when nothing noteworthy has taken place, and yet by the time I sit down to write, I've totally forgotten what all these little things were. You think at least some of them would stick around long enough to be tied down to the page, but apparently not. Instead, I'm sat here at the computer with a mug of hot chocolate and a penguin biscuit (naughty) and I can't think of a thing to write about. The lighting is low and warm and jazz music is quietly trickling out of the computer speakers. If I wasn't quite so prone to yawning as I am, this might be a perfect situation in which to write to you about my oh so exciting life, but apparently not.

Today I decorated a Christmas tree. It wasn't my Christmas tree, just a Christmas tree. If it had been my Christmas tree it would have looked a lot nicer when it was finished, with far more variety in the little hanging decorations. It would also have had lights, which this one didn't. This particular Christmas tree was one of the ones for work. Sadly it was the second one to be done, so the pick of the decorations had already gone, but nonetheless I think I did a reasonable job, considering I didn't have much time to get it done, and most of that was spent stealing paperclips to be stretched out and used as makeshift hooks for the decorations that has lost their original strings.

Why is it that the Penguin jokes are among the least funny jokes in the entire world? In all my years as a comedy addict I don't think I've ever found such a poor collection. In fact I'd go so far as to suggest that on the sheer awfulness scale they are surpassed only by my brother's first attempt at a joke: What animal hatches out of an egg? A slug! To this day, no one has been able to explain in what way, shape or form, that could possibly be a funny joke.

Have you ever noticed how your taste buds are a lot less sensitive in the morning than later in the day? I have a vague inkling I might have talked about this once before, so if you are hearing bells ringing, please bear with me. Breakfast cereals are generally full of some quite strong flavours, but for some reason they all taste equally bland at breakfast, as though your taste buds have overslept and are still tucked up warm and tight in bed. I noticed this again this morning whilst having the chocolate from my Advent Calendar, which on this occasion was a Galaxy Caramel, arguably one of the tastiest chocolates on the planet. Much was my dismay therefore, upon discovering that I could hardly taste it, let alone enjoy its rich and chocolatey flavour.

Do you think that I should add more soft drinks to my drinking repertoire? After years of criticism, it has recently emerged that many drinks are much better for you as drinks because, far from being dehydrating, as used to be thought, you still acquire a net gain in fluid from drinking them, even if individual ingredients can dehydrate you. I've traditionally drunk a lot of squash over the years and not much of anything else. I'm firmly of the view that drinking is something I should do to replenish my fluid levels, rather than simply to give myself something to do & partly because I'm too lazy to keep getting drinks and partly because I'm too lazy to want to go and empty myself of said drinks too often. Since we were all led to believe that water and a few almost water drinks were the only good things to drink, I've found myself sticking mainly to those. By the time I've hydrated myself on squash, I tend to find I don't want another drink, which is why I rarely drink anything else.

Now, however, I'm wondering about giving tea, coffee, fruit juice etc some of the responsibility for hydration, rather than treating them as extras to be squeezed in as and when I can manage it. In theory there is no reason for sticking to squash when there are other drinks so freely available, and variety is, after all, the spice of life. What say you?

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