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A Chlorine Induced Thought For The Evening

Posted on Tuesday 29th January 2008 at 00:00
Whilst swimming lengths in a crowded pool earlier today I had a revelation about why so many people give up an hour at a time to swim up and down the same stretch of water, unable to go anywhere because of the number of people all around them:

It has nothing to do with wanting to get fit, it's actually a subtle form of speed dating!

I was in an adult only lane swim at my local pool for about an hour and was unable to get up any sort of speed because of the huge number of people there, blocking up the lanes. I was so bored that, with a little bit of observation I was able to work out the whole process of initiating these watery romances.

1. Person A will scan up and down the lane adjacent to their own until they find someone they like the look of, who we shall call Person B.

2. Person A will briefly swim alongside Person B and will 'accidentally? make physical contact with them. This is best done at the end of the lane, whilst both Person A and Person B are turning round. The contact should be harder than a brush, but softer than a kick: a brush is insignificant enough to be ignored and a kick might hurt Person B and ruin any chances of future friendliness.

3. Person A stops to apologise to Person B. This is the point at which compatibility is assessed. If Person B isn't interested, they will brush off the apology and swim away without a second glance. If on the other hand, they like Person A, a smile and a few words may be exchanged.

4. Person A swims off but controls their speed so as to ensure time for a smile and a nod to Person B when they next pass each other.

5. Person A swims alongside Person B and begins a more in depth conversation. If sufficient charm is used then it can generally be assumed that Person A and Person B will be practicing at making babies before the evening is out.

Needless to say your humble narrator barely managed an inarticulate 'sorry? with a mouth full of chlorine before being left behind clinging to the side of the pool.

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