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Features That I Would Like To Add To My Blog But Never Will Part I: Podcasts

Posted on Sunday 27th May 2007 at 00:00
As anyone who looks at the natural course of technological evolution will tell you, the faster the technology gets, the more you can do with it. As such, no longer content with merely delivering masses of text and images down our high speed phone lines as and when we require entertainment, it is increasingly customary for bloggers to branch out into other forms of communication.

The most popular option for the computer savvy blogger wishing to test his metal against the other 70 million blogs all vying for our attention is to supplement their written posts with a Podcast of them reading the post in question. Personally, I think this is a brilliant idea. Not only does it give those who find reading off a screen difficult on the eyes the opportunity to enjoy the posts without squinting, but it gives the rest of us the opportunity to carry our blogrolls around on IPods, catch up in the car, or combine our RSS feeds with the ironing.

Unfortunately, much as I'd like to, I will not be introducing Podcasts to Ignorminious? Misty Mind. The reason for this is simple: I hate (and I do mean hate) the sound of my own voice. Like most people, in my own head I sound cool, sophisticated and eloquent. Like most people, I get a nasty shock when I speak out loud. My words are often mispronounced and insufficiently clear to allow others to understand what I'm actually trying to say. When reading out loud I'm unable to read ahead of where I'm speaking, which means I can never adjust my tone to match the way I actually want the sentence as a whole to be spoken. The result is that I read in a monotone, often stumbling over words I've misread and continuously adjusting my pace to allow my eyes to catch up with my mouth.

For reasons that even I can't understand, this is a problem that affects me as much with my own writing as with anyone else's. I suspect it might be because I tend to compose my sentences using a structure which my brain can just about muddle through whilst reading in my head, but which is simply too much when I try to coordinate reading and speaking.

The only solution I can think of would be to have someone else read it for me. Stephen Fry or Hugh Laurie would be my first choice, as both of them are superb when it comes to this sort of thing, but I'm pretty sure neither of them currently read my blog, or if they do they are lurkers. Even if they did, I doubt either of them would be prepared to record themselves reading my posts every time I write them, and even if they would do it, I can't afford to pay them.

So dear friends, until such time as I learn to read out loud whilst doing a convincing impression of someone whose voice I don't hate, this blog will sadly have to remain a text only affair.

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