Musical Cars

Posted on Tuesday 1st May 2007 at 00:00
At the first bang my world shatters around me, as though the noise itself were sufficient to break apart physical matter, or else reality itself. At the second bang my eyes open and I realise the world just gone was in fact one of a dream. A split second later comes the third bang and I recognise it to me the sound of a fist on my door.

Next comes a voice, loud and impatient.

'Mark, please move your car!? The voice appears to belong to D, H's boyfriend, who J and I generally refer to as Monkey Man.

'Whemiwhtshapninwhoruwhtuwntythfuck?? I reply, still not entirely sure of the situation. After a moment I work out that H and Monkey Man have decided to go somewhere this morning and for some reason are taking H's car, which rarely goes anywhere and which I cleverly blocked in when I got home last night.

I pull on some clothes and step outside, blinking in the strong sunlight. J is there also, waiting for a lift and seemingly amused that I've been woken up to play musical cars once again.

'You look like...? she begins.

'Like someone who just got woken up?? I finish the sentence for her. 'Like someone who should be in bed for another hour? Yep, that's me!?

I get into my car at begin to manoeuvre it onto the road when I am stopped by a wave of morning traffic, which won't be able to get by with me sat in the middle of the road. H comes over, opens my passenger door and suggests that if I just pull forward a bit, she should be able to get through. In my tired and confused state I consider this for a minute. It occurs to me that if I pull forward more than 6 inches, I will be sharing space with the Fiesta in front of me, and given that we both exist in the same dimension, this would cause quite a lot of damage to both vehicles. Granted, I'd come off better than if I went up against the white van that had been parked in that exact spot when I came home last night, but that is scarcely a comforting thought.

I mutter some dark things about blondes being allowed to drive cars and then pull off down the road, coming to rest a few houses down, where the pavement is less crowded. Once H has gone and J has been picked up, I reverse onto the drive, go back inside and go to bed.

Happy 1st May.

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