Googlies II

Posted on Friday 13th April 2007 at 00:00
Once again a quick flick through the list of search queries that have brought people to my site over the last week has produced some interesting results. Sadly I've neglected to clear the list for quite some time, so I may well have missed many of the gems lurking from between old results, but here are a few of the ones I did spot, which I thought you might enjoy:

"things to say" public toilet - While I can quite easily picture many scenarios in which one might walk into a public toilet and be lost for words at what they see, it had never occurred to me that someone might seek to rectify the problem by looking up some suggestions on Google. I'm even more confused that they seemed to think that this site was a good place to find quotations for such an occasion. I'm pretty sure that I've never said anything witty or profound about public toilets, and I certainly don't remember ever writing about them. Of course, the obvious answer is that if it is the gents, you don't say anything. Remain completely silent at all times and do not make eye contact with anyone. Even if you cannot manage to stick to these two golden rules of the loos, do not, under any circumstances break the third one: Never, ever use the urinal next to that of your neighbour if there is one further away that can possibly be used. You will probably be killed quicker than you can mutter 'I wasn't looking, honest!?

shower red power switch wall stuck - I can't help but wonder if this is the same person with shower problems from last time. If so I am very sorry that they are here again, since it must be terribly frustrating trying to find help for their shower and ending up with me each time. Whoever you are Mr Shower Man (or woman), I hope you find what you need soon, before the lack of washing becomes a problem.

cant get my wireless keyboard to work - Then what are you typing on?

what are the main factors of demotivation in a work place - While I don't find anything surprising about the question itself (after all, motivation in the work place is a very serious issue), I am a little hurt that Google seemed to think that Ignorminious? Misty Mind was the obvious answer. While I can't say for definitely that this site doesn't cause people to be demotivated, I've no reason to suppose that it should, and so nor should Google. Let's hope it was just a bit of search engine humour; like when someone linked the search phrase 'miserable failure? to George W Bush's official website.

tackiest website ever - Again, no need to be offensive. I rather hope it's not that bad! Perhaps the owl that blinks is a bit too much for some people?

how to drive round a corner - As regular readers of the site will know, I'm always open to suggestions for how to improve the site, and here we see a request from a reader who is clearly in trouble. I can't refuse to help them.

So, without further ado, here is the Ignorminious Guide to Driving Round A Corner:

Step 1: Approach the corner at a safe speed and look to see that your path ahead is clear.

Step 2: Turn the wheel in the direction you wish to go, making continuous adjustments as you move round the bend.

Step 3: Straighten the vehicle up so that it is parallel to the edge of the road at a distance of approximately one metre from the curb.

That's all for now folks!

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