DVD Wrappers

Posted on Sunday 8th October 2006 at 00:00
You take the DVD case in your hands and examine it. The surface is smooth and shiny and somehow communicates its newness to you even as you hold it in front of you. Not like your other DVDs, this one is protected from the cruel world of transit by a coating of plastic wrapping that you must get through before you can open the box.

Your attention shifts to one of the ends of the case where the only imperfections & the glued down flaps that complete the net of the wrapper & can been seen in the plastic. They are small and neat and it isn't immediately obvious in the transparent plastic which is the top layer and which the bottom.

A gentle probe with your finger eventually tells you all you need to know: the top flap is very small, far too small to get hold of and the glue runs right to the edge. There is no way - with your big fat chunky fingers - that you can grab the flap between your index finger and opposable thumb, if indeed you are equipped with such a tool (no offense to our non ape descended readers). Instead you will have to ease your finger nail under the corner and try and prise it away from its opposite number in the layer below.

As you manoeuvre your clumsy fingers into position you muse over how much easier all this would be in they just included a tag which you could pull to tear the wrapper off the DVD case when suddenly your thoughts are interrupted by the jolt of pain from your finger indicative of having pushed too far and forced the flap under your nail and into the nerves on the nail bed.

Your finger sucked and healed and sworn over, it is time to have another go at the folded end of the case. This time you are more successful and manage to lift enough plastic to grab hold of with your fingers. Hurrah! you cry and without pausing for a moment you pull away with all your strength.

A piece of plastic the size of a match stick breaks off in your hand and leaves a slit in wrapper that bears all the appearance of a mocking grin. Infuriated with the bastard you throw it across the room, only realising that it is breakable moments after it leaves the clutch of your fingers.

After this it becomes easy enough to remove the rest of the wrapper. At least you've got a slit to grab hold of and pull. It looks for a minute like it might all come off in one when suddenly the tear inexplicably stops along a straight line half way down the box. You move to investigate the obstruction, holding the case up to the light to see better. No, it can't be! No, it is, it's the bloody tag! The tag they designed to help you remove the wrapper in a second is right there, staring at you, challenging you not to shout and swear and be too pissed off with the whole stupid thing to watch the movie!

Why you think, Why do you always forget to check for the bloody tag before wrestling with the thing for 10 minutes trying to get it open? You own nearly 100 DVDs and you've done the same thing with each and every one of them.

Fuck it, let's just watch the movie and hope to God it's a good one.

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